The Third Week is a Doozy
This was a chemo week. I get chemo every other week for 12 weeks.
When I went in to get my treatment on Monday, I went in with an upbeat attitude, which carried me through Tuesday, which is when the nausea and fatigue typically kicks in. This week was different. This week, Wednesday sucked. I don't get it. Maybe I failed to stay ahead of the nausea with my meds, but I felt seasick all night. My stomach was doing somersaults. When I tried to move around, I felt like I was carrying Walter Jones on my back. I don't know how else to describe what that feeling is like, other than it's the worst hangover of your life. And it lasts for days.
My hair is starting to fall out. I can pull it out in clumps. It's a fun party trick. I showed my son Will, and he said, "Ewww. I don't want a bald Dad." I went in to kiss him goodnight, and he ducked under his covers, saying, "Get away from me with that hair."
I do have a pretty sturdy head of hair, though.
You see what I mean?
My buddy Kelly calls it a "Beaver Pelt". Tom Arnold once referred to it as a "proceeding hairline." Catherine says, "Maybe it'll just thin out. You could use that." Okay. But when it grows back, then what? Does it go curly? Red? Brillo pad?
I just scratched my head, and more hair fell out. I'm brushing it off of my keyboard.
I woke up this morning to find my pillow and sheets covered in my hair. I'm contemplating cutting it really short to minimize the mess. Some chemo patients don't lose all of their hair, so I'm holding off on shaving my head until the helmet hair gives out.
I went into work Thursday for a while, and logged the video of Monday's chemo treatment. It is excruciating for me to watch. Not only am I horrified of myself on camera, I'm horrified about what's happening to me on camera. Getting flushed with poison is not pleasant.
Equally undesirable was watching my stepdad, Larry, deteriorate and finally succumb to cancer last Saturday.
I am suddenly surrounded by cancer. I can't get away from it. It's not just my physical condition. It's become a part of my job. It can become overwhelming, but journaling about my experience in this forum is helpful and cathartic. What really keeps me going. though, is all of the support that I'm receiving from readers and viewers.
Here's a great example: I didn't feel like going to work on Thursday, but I forced myself to. I was struggling. As I'm driving in my car, my stomach still flipping over like a pancake, I got a text message. It was a direct message from one of my twitter peeps- PrintingCNX, who wrote: "Bill, you will beat your cancer, no doubt you're a winner! You will live a long and healthy life."
I just about started crying. I've never met this guy, in person, in my life. But at that moment, whether he realized it or not, he gave me a nod of encouragement at precisely the moment I needed it.
I love technology. It's funny to me how markedly our society has changed. Ten years ago, I would likely be writing about this experience in a secret journal. In this era of blogs, it's completely acceptable to write a diary that is available to the public. I'm actually encouraging people to follow along. I'm finding that there are great benefits to being transparent and open about this situation. People tell me that revealing my experiences is helpful to them. Hearing from them helps me too. It's a recipricol relationship.
So, I get into work, and launch right into logging videotape of me enduring one of the most horrible things you can, and you know what I discovered? I did it with a smile on my face. I definitely wasn't smiling as much on Wednesday, but I rallied and made it through. I actually felt fairly decent by Friday. I think the lesson learned here is to be more diligent about taking the nausea meds.
Four more chemo treatments to go.
When I went in to get my treatment on Monday, I went in with an upbeat attitude, which carried me through Tuesday, which is when the nausea and fatigue typically kicks in. This week was different. This week, Wednesday sucked. I don't get it. Maybe I failed to stay ahead of the nausea with my meds, but I felt seasick all night. My stomach was doing somersaults. When I tried to move around, I felt like I was carrying Walter Jones on my back. I don't know how else to describe what that feeling is like, other than it's the worst hangover of your life. And it lasts for days.
My hair is starting to fall out. I can pull it out in clumps. It's a fun party trick. I showed my son Will, and he said, "Ewww. I don't want a bald Dad." I went in to kiss him goodnight, and he ducked under his covers, saying, "Get away from me with that hair."
I do have a pretty sturdy head of hair, though.
You see what I mean?
My buddy Kelly calls it a "Beaver Pelt". Tom Arnold once referred to it as a "proceeding hairline." Catherine says, "Maybe it'll just thin out. You could use that." Okay. But when it grows back, then what? Does it go curly? Red? Brillo pad?
I just scratched my head, and more hair fell out. I'm brushing it off of my keyboard.
I woke up this morning to find my pillow and sheets covered in my hair. I'm contemplating cutting it really short to minimize the mess. Some chemo patients don't lose all of their hair, so I'm holding off on shaving my head until the helmet hair gives out.
I went into work Thursday for a while, and logged the video of Monday's chemo treatment. It is excruciating for me to watch. Not only am I horrified of myself on camera, I'm horrified about what's happening to me on camera. Getting flushed with poison is not pleasant.
Equally undesirable was watching my stepdad, Larry, deteriorate and finally succumb to cancer last Saturday.
I am suddenly surrounded by cancer. I can't get away from it. It's not just my physical condition. It's become a part of my job. It can become overwhelming, but journaling about my experience in this forum is helpful and cathartic. What really keeps me going. though, is all of the support that I'm receiving from readers and viewers.
Here's a great example: I didn't feel like going to work on Thursday, but I forced myself to. I was struggling. As I'm driving in my car, my stomach still flipping over like a pancake, I got a text message. It was a direct message from one of my twitter peeps- PrintingCNX, who wrote: "Bill, you will beat your cancer, no doubt you're a winner! You will live a long and healthy life."
I just about started crying. I've never met this guy, in person, in my life. But at that moment, whether he realized it or not, he gave me a nod of encouragement at precisely the moment I needed it.
I love technology. It's funny to me how markedly our society has changed. Ten years ago, I would likely be writing about this experience in a secret journal. In this era of blogs, it's completely acceptable to write a diary that is available to the public. I'm actually encouraging people to follow along. I'm finding that there are great benefits to being transparent and open about this situation. People tell me that revealing my experiences is helpful to them. Hearing from them helps me too. It's a recipricol relationship.
So, I get into work, and launch right into logging videotape of me enduring one of the most horrible things you can, and you know what I discovered? I did it with a smile on my face. I definitely wasn't smiling as much on Wednesday, but I rallied and made it through. I actually felt fairly decent by Friday. I think the lesson learned here is to be more diligent about taking the nausea meds.
Four more chemo treatments to go.
Posted by Bill Wixey at 6/12/2009 10:19 PM 
Categories: Chemotherapy, Cancer, Bill Wixey, Larry, hair, Kelly, Tom Arnold, Catherine Wixey, chemo
Tags: Chemotherapy Catherine Wixey Bill Wixey Larry hair Kelly Tom Arnold Cancer chemo
Categories: Chemotherapy, Cancer, Bill Wixey, Larry, hair, Kelly, Tom Arnold, Catherine Wixey, chemo
Tags: Chemotherapy Catherine Wixey Bill Wixey Larry hair Kelly Tom Arnold Cancer chemo
Bill, sorry to hear the third time was not such a charm. One thing good to know though, I am the type that will avoid meds if can be and just had my first treatment of ABVD yesterday. I will now be sure to stay on top of the meds of nausea no matter what so thanks for sharing the info. I may have just as well ended up in the very same boat (pardon the seasickness pun). I have been reading your blog and it has in many ways been a great stress reliever for me. You being on your third and I my first yesterday can use you as a stepping stone. This last bit of info I'm sure has already saved me some misery. Thanks again Bill and keep going...better days are ahead!!!
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I HAVE BEEN FOLLOWING YOUR BLOG, I CAN'T HELP BUT GET EMOTIONAL WHEN READING IT!!! I HAVE ALWAYS ENJOYED WATCHING YOU ON Q13, YOUR ALWAYS FUNNY AND SEEM VERY DOWN TO EARTH! I WISH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ALL THE BEST..... KEEP UP THE FIGHT!
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Hey Bill~
Hang in there! It sounds like you are doing great! Everyone has some bumps in the road at some point, but anyone who can rise to meet those challenges with a smile on their face is a true hero. Go you! Yes, the hair falling out is distressing (to say the least) but it will grow back--sometimes curly, sometimes straight, it depends on the person. Just remember to wear sunscreen when you're out in the sun; the last thing you want during chemo is a sunburned scalp! Keep fighting and stay strong! So many people are rooting for you....you WILL beat this!
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Bill just like buyin a new car you will now see, hear about and bump into every cancer patient within your area. I know this as i hve been fighting cancer for 5 years and still go to work and hear the voices of people talking about my cancer.(needless to say in most cases you lose your identity but your cancer becomes a star) Just remember you can still be angery but put it to use. my first year i walked 212 laps at the relay for life (quarter mile track) and raised over 2000 dollars and slept for 2 days after. Just keep moving forward and keep your loved ones close they are your inner circle your wall of strength so when your guard does come down you are protected. Keep the smile keep the faith and you will stand tall at the end of this ordeal. I wish you the best.
Peace CTR
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Bill...It is just awesome that you do this blog. So many emotions and questions that come up that you have no answers to. You should know that just about everyone you went to school with is with you during this time in your life. I don't know if you have done it yet...but I did buzz cut my hair...I did not think i could handle watch it fall out bit by bit. It got a little scarce after the chemo...but I never did lose it all. I loved the not shaving! There can be benefits of chemo...it's just depends on your outlook of life and whether or not you want to live as long as you can.
I never did go thru radiation and cannot imagine having to do both. My prayers always include you...and others that are going thru a sickness that you all come out healthy and kicking butt!
Hugs to you and your family. Can't wait to see what you post next.
Dianne
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I really admire your courage in being so open about all you are going through and your great sense of humor about it. You will be beat this! And in being so open about all of it, you are doing so much to promote awareness and help others going through the same thing.
I have a suggestion that may be too off the wall for you, but I'm going to say it anyway, just in case it may help. You might consider hypnotherapy in addition to your other treatments. I took some classes from a hypnotherapist who helped many people through chemo treatments. Some of her clients were able to get through chemo without the nausea and without losing their hair. After taking her classes, I decided if I ever had cancer and had to go through chemo, I would definitely give it a try. It couldn't hurt and it may end up helping!
I hope you continue to feel better.
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Hi Bill - sorry to hear about your hair loss, but it's pretty much inevitable. I remember waking up with hair on my pillow and then chunks coming out in my hand...not pretty at all. But it does come back...I'm just over a year in remission and I have a head full of curly hair. I don't know if yours will come in that way, but I'm having fun with curly hair now, but I don't recommend this way of getting it!
Definitely take your anti-nausea pills, they do work!
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Stay focused, Wixey. While the nausea no doubt blows, the hair loss could lead to a new and powerful 'do that will leave the famed helmet in the dust!
Stay busy, keep exercising, eating healthy, and staying positive. This is just a bump in the road, not a roadblock.
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Hang in there Bill! Sorry you had a bad week. We are praying for you. May you be held in the palm of his hand.
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yea i got in trouble from my radiologist for not taking my anti nausea meds they do work and there not like pain meds you have to take them i feel for you i only had radiation for
testicular cancer
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Hey Bill,
Please stay strong with your focus of health! It must be so hard to stay positive but I know you can do it. You're an athlete and you can beat this challenge that has been given to you. We are all here to cheer you on and offer you & your family much support along the way. Hang in there Bill
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Bill, I am sorry to hear you have to go through this. I was very inspired by the comment you made that cancer had picked on the wrong guy. Just remember, do not take ownership of this, never refer to it as "my cancer"
I was just diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, and was feeling pretty sorry for myself, I have 3 children at 8 and 10 years old, and was trying to imagine what affect this would have on them. Then I heard your story, and I now realize that you have the ability to beat your problems, and I can beat my ailments also. Thank you for sharing your story, it will be an inspiration to everyone!
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Keep it up, Bill -- can't wait to catch up in person and celebrate your success -- and, if that'll be a few more weeks/months out, let me know when I can buy you lunch, or coffee, or tea!
Dave
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I finished my ABVD Chemo 26 December 07. Nothing but clear scans since.
You can do this Bill, and I believe you will beat this.
(And bald's not a bad thing, I rocked it, just watch out, cuz it is COLD.)
Good luck.
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Bill,
Being a veteran of 12 ABVD sessions, I would like to encourage you by saying that your experience is the same as mine. My worst day was the exact same as yours. The best advice I can offer, is that during your chemo, feel free to take the meds needed to minimize the side effects, and stay positive. Most important is to complete the sessions, and to maintain the positive attitude, as both are important factors in healing.
Your strength shows through your writing. And, even though it may not feel like it, you are doing extremely well.
Again, thank you for your blog. I wish I had such a great resource during my treatments.
Dave
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You amaze me. Your spirit, strength, and humor will see push you through this and you WILL beat Cancer. No doubt. I have seen my mother and my father through chemo and radiation and I know it isn't easy, but if I had read your blog it would have made me feel like I had a friend whether I had known you or not. You are doing great things for people through your writing.
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