Catherine's Story
My wife Catherine has been an absolute rock during our 11-year marriage. The past two weeks have been as trying as anything we've experienced as a couple. Catherine wanted to share a few of her thoughts with you:
People keep saying how strong I'm being, and what a great attitude I have--but believe me, in no way do I deserve a medal or any sort of praise. If you know me well, you know I tend to take things in stride, not get emotional and pretty much let things roll off my back. I think it's just my personality, my chemical make-up. However, I do have a sister-in-law who thinks I repress emotions and I'm going to have a nervous breakdown when I turn 40. I guess we'll find out in a few years.
The thing is, I've been through an intensely personal cancer battle once before.
In 2004, my mom, Elise Lightfoot Hazel was diagnosed with stage 4 Ovarian Cancer, she died in 2007. I was in the hospital room when the doctor gave her the diagnosis I watched as my mom endured chemotherapy. I prayed, hoped and believed for her complete healing. She did go into remission for a short while. Those were glorious days. When the cancer returned we prayed that she'd kick it again but probably deep down we all knew that she didn't have much more fight inside her. It was extremely difficult and I know I was in complete denial that she was nearing the end. I hope I'm not in some sort of denial in my current situation with Bill. I really and truly believe that he can fight and will beat this thing. It feels totally different this time around. So far, the most difficult part for me in dealing with Bill's cancer is the emotions it recalls from going through it with my mom. More than anything I wish she was here to walk with me and pray us through this valley. She was the strongest and wisest person I have ever known and to watch her lose her fight with cancer was the most heart wrenching thing I've ever been through.
This past year, I took part in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer in New York City. My aunt is a breast cancer survivor and I know several others who have fought, won and continue to fight breast cancer. It was humbling to walk along with several thousand people who have all been affected in some way by the deadly disease. The walk in New York was so much fun and empowering. I left there encouraged and hopeful with the knowledge that the money we raised is being put to good use for research in finding a cure.
As awful as it is to be told your husband has cancer, the truth is that it could have been worse. The contrast between the demeanors of my mom's doctor and Bill's doctor is huge. The look on my mom's doctor's face, the tone in his voice and the fact that I was told she'd have 3-5 years was gut-wrenchingly devastating. When Bill was diagnosed the doctor was relieved that it was Hodgkin's. He called it a "good" cancer, an easy one to fight and completely curable. With the doctor being so positive and encouraging, why should I worry? I have heard story after story of people who've had Hodgkin's and every story has had a good outcome. Maybe those with the sad stories are not sharing (thank you so much) but so far I've had no reason to be anxious or scared. As of now, a couple weeks into it, life hasn't changed that much. Bill is not sick, weak, or lying in bed; he's still out running, working and playing. We still get up, make lunches, take the kids to school, deal with homework, baseball, girl scouts, piano lessons, etc. It just feels like we hit a bump in the road. Now ask me again in a couple of months how I'm doing and I may not be so upbeat and positive. I'm probably being a bit naive but I feel like we're just starting a new chapter in our lives not an entire new book.
One negative thing Bill's doctor did tell us was that studies have shown some Hodgkin's survivors contract a different cancer later on in life, most likely due to the chemo and radiation. That is somewhat depressing, but we are talking 15-20 years down the line. I know this will make Bill a super hypochondriac but that's not really so different than now. He's been convinced that he's had cancer about 20 different times. While I tend to ignore coughs and congestion he goes to the doctor for everything. Of course, that is why the Hodgkin's was caught in the early stages. After Bill felt the first lumps he was convinced he had cancer. I blew it off and told him he was over reacting and it was probably nothing (good thing he didn't listen to me.) So now I get to look forward to many more years of him being even more fanatical about his health. But that is OKAY. I am prepared to be loving and supportive, but I'll probably let most of it roll off my back.
Modern medicine has come so fare in the past few decades, to where Bill and I are completely confident that he will be cured. Also, as I write this, Bill's ex step dad (who we're very close to) is losing a battle with bone cancer. He is in hospice care in grave condition. I have seen cancer rear its ugly head and I hate, hate, hate it. I am so ready for Bill to face this head on and win. It is our turn now, we're due for a victory.
People keep saying how strong I'm being, and what a great attitude I have--but believe me, in no way do I deserve a medal or any sort of praise. If you know me well, you know I tend to take things in stride, not get emotional and pretty much let things roll off my back. I think it's just my personality, my chemical make-up. However, I do have a sister-in-law who thinks I repress emotions and I'm going to have a nervous breakdown when I turn 40. I guess we'll find out in a few years.
The thing is, I've been through an intensely personal cancer battle once before.
In 2004, my mom, Elise Lightfoot Hazel was diagnosed with stage 4 Ovarian Cancer, she died in 2007. I was in the hospital room when the doctor gave her the diagnosis I watched as my mom endured chemotherapy. I prayed, hoped and believed for her complete healing. She did go into remission for a short while. Those were glorious days. When the cancer returned we prayed that she'd kick it again but probably deep down we all knew that she didn't have much more fight inside her. It was extremely difficult and I know I was in complete denial that she was nearing the end. I hope I'm not in some sort of denial in my current situation with Bill. I really and truly believe that he can fight and will beat this thing. It feels totally different this time around. So far, the most difficult part for me in dealing with Bill's cancer is the emotions it recalls from going through it with my mom. More than anything I wish she was here to walk with me and pray us through this valley. She was the strongest and wisest person I have ever known and to watch her lose her fight with cancer was the most heart wrenching thing I've ever been through.
This past year, I took part in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer in New York City. My aunt is a breast cancer survivor and I know several others who have fought, won and continue to fight breast cancer. It was humbling to walk along with several thousand people who have all been affected in some way by the deadly disease. The walk in New York was so much fun and empowering. I left there encouraged and hopeful with the knowledge that the money we raised is being put to good use for research in finding a cure.
As awful as it is to be told your husband has cancer, the truth is that it could have been worse. The contrast between the demeanors of my mom's doctor and Bill's doctor is huge. The look on my mom's doctor's face, the tone in his voice and the fact that I was told she'd have 3-5 years was gut-wrenchingly devastating. When Bill was diagnosed the doctor was relieved that it was Hodgkin's. He called it a "good" cancer, an easy one to fight and completely curable. With the doctor being so positive and encouraging, why should I worry? I have heard story after story of people who've had Hodgkin's and every story has had a good outcome. Maybe those with the sad stories are not sharing (thank you so much) but so far I've had no reason to be anxious or scared. As of now, a couple weeks into it, life hasn't changed that much. Bill is not sick, weak, or lying in bed; he's still out running, working and playing. We still get up, make lunches, take the kids to school, deal with homework, baseball, girl scouts, piano lessons, etc. It just feels like we hit a bump in the road. Now ask me again in a couple of months how I'm doing and I may not be so upbeat and positive. I'm probably being a bit naive but I feel like we're just starting a new chapter in our lives not an entire new book.
One negative thing Bill's doctor did tell us was that studies have shown some Hodgkin's survivors contract a different cancer later on in life, most likely due to the chemo and radiation. That is somewhat depressing, but we are talking 15-20 years down the line. I know this will make Bill a super hypochondriac but that's not really so different than now. He's been convinced that he's had cancer about 20 different times. While I tend to ignore coughs and congestion he goes to the doctor for everything. Of course, that is why the Hodgkin's was caught in the early stages. After Bill felt the first lumps he was convinced he had cancer. I blew it off and told him he was over reacting and it was probably nothing (good thing he didn't listen to me.) So now I get to look forward to many more years of him being even more fanatical about his health. But that is OKAY. I am prepared to be loving and supportive, but I'll probably let most of it roll off my back.
Modern medicine has come so fare in the past few decades, to where Bill and I are completely confident that he will be cured. Also, as I write this, Bill's ex step dad (who we're very close to) is losing a battle with bone cancer. He is in hospice care in grave condition. I have seen cancer rear its ugly head and I hate, hate, hate it. I am so ready for Bill to face this head on and win. It is our turn now, we're due for a victory.
Posted by Bill Wixey at 6/1/2009 8:57 PM 
Categories: Bill Wixey, Catherine
Tags: Hodgkin's Lymphoma Bill's Blog Avon Walk for Breast Cancer Catherine Wixey
Categories: Bill Wixey, Catherine
Tags: Hodgkin's Lymphoma Bill's Blog Avon Walk for Breast Cancer Catherine Wixey
Friend, I am so proud of you! You are such and inspiration and so strong! Thanks for sharing your perspective here with us. I hate what you all are going through, and that it brings so many things to the surface for you with your mom. I can't stop thinking of you all and won't, obviously. We love you guys dearly and are praying for healing and strength for the road ahead. You up for another 40 this fall? I'm thinking about it... Love you! xoxox
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Catherine - such a beautiful story about your mother.
I lost my own mother in May of last year to Small Cell Lung Cancer. I was 19 years old. It truly was the most difficult thing to watch her waste away in that hospital bed over the period of only four short months. Her only grandson was only 10 weeks old, my younger sister was two weeks from highschool graduation. It was devastating to lose my mother when I was only a new mother myself! I pray for the Wixey family, and I know Bill will pull through. He's got the fighting spirit! Plus, his hair is FABULOUS!
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Catherine you are amazing. Truly an inspiration for everyone! My prayers are with you guys!
Tiffany
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Catherine, As I sit here and read your story tears come to my eyes and I commend you for being a very strong woman. Bill your lucky, She's beautiful! My heart goes out to you both. You will come through this as you are meant to. God Bless you both!
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Your friends at FSN wish you well, we are thinking positive. I would like to share in that laughter therapy with you.
Hang in there Bill, you've always found a way to land on your feet and this will be no different.
Your friend,
Dave
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Hang in there..its hard..but it will be ok..My thoughts are with you all..
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Catherine, you are an incredibly graceful woman. Your courage under fire is amazing. I am so proud to call you my friend. Love you! Kandi
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Thank you for sharing your heartfelt thoughts. I know several people with cancer and sometimes the spouses end up in the shadows. You are a vital part of Bill's recovery and you are both in my prayers as you travel this difficult road.
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Hi, i am Joan.... I am 44 years old and I was diagnosed with stage1 breast cancer in 2007.... I am doing great.. I too have lost many to cancer, but there are alot of happy endings too, Bill and I will be one of those happy endings I know it.. My prayers and heart go out to the both of you, keep continuing to be his Angel he's going to need that in the weeks to come... God bless you both....Joan
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Catherine~you are so strong and brave and have experienced so much in such a short period of time. I lost my mom to cancer when I was 26; just three months after getting married. She was 47 and my best friend. She said that she had a couple premonitions when she was young and sadly they both came true. One was that she would die fairly young and the other was that she would not live to see her grand babies. She had the fight and fought the fight to the bitter end. It is so very difficult to watch the ones we love go through such painful experiences but I do believe that what hurts us (times like these) works to make us stronger individually and as couples in the end. I watch Bill nightly on the news and can tell that he has got the spirit and the fight in him and believe in my heart that he will pull through and be fine. Be sure to take care of yourself as well. Thank you for being brave and for sharing your stories.
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Hi Folks, I just wanted to let you know a couple of things. One: I was diagnosed with breast cancer 9 years ago. I ended up having surgery, chemo and radiation. Two: My partner of 12 years, stuck with me the whole ways.
I don't know what I would have done without her support. I know what it means to have someone you love die from cancer. My mom died from cancer. When they first told me I had cancer, I thought maybe I was going to die too. But I was one of the lucky ones. Nine years now, cancer free!! But the main thing I wanted to say to you was this: It meant so much to me to have someone who really helped and supported me throughout my ordeal. I'm glad that you Catherine are a true supporter. I'm sure your (nutty) husband appreciates it! Thank you both for keep "us" informed!
Shawn
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My brother is a survivor of Hodgkins Lymphoma. He was 19 when he found out. Today he is 50 and going strong. It was a long battle and he lost his hair. But tonight he will be here and we will be riding motorcycles off into the sunset together. Be strong and you will be fine. Never give up. Remember to hold the ones you love close and always tell them you love them. We are praying for you as my Mom would have done was she here with us.
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Cath,
Your mom didn't lose any battle....her flesh quit fighting perhaps...but who could blame her? She didn't LOSE anything! She WON an eternity with Jesus!! Who wouldn't want that? What a GLORIOUS victory it is. But, I can understand your wanting her here as a prayer warrior, journeying with you...I wonder if you can fully appreciate (not having known anything else yourself) how wonderful it is to have a prayer warrior, Jesus is my everything, kinda mom! I think of her example so often! (p.s. i am trying really hard to NOT speculate which sister in law that might be..ha!)
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